Apologies for the slow battle report. The reason I am late in posting this is that the confederacy was throwing a big party with much rejoicing after my squad’s recent victory over the rebel scum, and then we had to lengthen the festivities after hearing about General Grievous’s recent victory too!

After reading my opponent’s battle report, I have a few things to say. It seems that this CorellianComedian has been enhancing the truth to his commanding officers. I will, again go through his report and clarify a few things.

Bad news from Korriban. The Black Sun stormed in at full strength (Yep, all fifteen of them) and found little resistance. We noticed Droid forces being led by Wat Tambor were approaching from the desert, so we took up positions inside the tomb. (Yeah, running and hiding seems to be a popular strategy among the rebels.) There was a tense stand off (I’m not quite sure the members of the Black Sun running around screaming in terror really qualifies as a “tense stand-off,” but okay) as our stealth experts remained in hiding (keyword: “hiding”) while the droid forces gathered in the doorway.


Using tactics unknown to me, a single Commando Droid with an Energy Shield was able to defend the massive droids blocking the doorway. This lead to an impasse: they could not see us, and we dare not shoot at them, for fear of our shots reflecting back at us. We remained this way for a few minutes before an adventurous Jawa ran out and gunned down the Spotter in one shot. (Yeah, that was a bit embarrassing. He forgot to turn on his shield. He did manage to fool our opponents for quite a while though.)


From then on, it was a frantic game of cat and mouse as the Separatists charged our position. (Yeah, my original strategy sort of hinged on them not noticing that our spotter’s shield wasn’t turned on, so after that, we had to improvise) Jawas went up in smoke before the mighty flamethrower of an Ultra Battle Droid. (The radio contact between Wat Tambor and the Ultra Battle droid went like this: *Ultra Battle Droid charges a small group of Jawas.* Wat Tambor yells: “Well done!” *Ultra Battle Droid torches the jawas.* Wat Tambor yells: “Well done!”) Their countrymen returned fire with Ion Blasts that could maul a starfighter. (*A very very small starfighter – preferably made out of paper Mache) The Black Sun Vigos jumped into the action with valor, (*”The Action with Valor” is the name of their getaway ship. The name makes them sound braver in the reports. And no, they didn’t jump into the action with valor [starship or otherwise] they just hid behind crates and doors and took cheap potshots at my troops) and yet, luck was not on our side. We could have put the droids to flight then and there, but numerous weapon malfunctions caused us to miss at point-blank range. (yes, a Black Sun Dug ran up right next to my big honken’ LR-57 with his weapon on safety.) Although the Jawas had demonstrated their impressive skill numerous times pre-battle (impressive skills: such as juggling, magic tricks, riding a unicycle, and telling knock-knock jokes.) (and I know for a fact they could have sniped Wat Tambor himself from across the canyon with their little Ion Guns), I counted on their skill too much. On at least two occasions, my men charged out into the open, where their very survival depended on using only the most basic accuracy against enemies that would fall like wheat to scythes against their firepower.


And they missed. (Yes they did.)


I repeat, they missed. (I can vouch for the validity of this statement.) I saw an expert at close-quarters fighting try and shoot a bulky LR-57 Combat Droid at point-black range, and he missed twice in a row. (Even my droids almost died of laughter after watching this escapade)


Of course, Separatist retaliation to these last efforts was brutal, and final. (The brutal, final Separatist retaliation came in the form of Wat Tambor saying: “Scram kids!”)


Our forces still could have easily triumphed, but we simply had no time. (Or skill. Just kidding. In all seriousness, they absolutely would have crushed us if they had had any more time) Separatist reinforcements were on the way. (Actually... we just told them that to get them to go away.) Reports indicate that the only remaining enemy combatant fled (Where did you learn to count?! there were seven of us... No wonder we beat you guys in that battle) with several scientists (that we had no knowledge of) (again with the counting... there was ONE scientist. You might need glasses, sir.) in tow. Wat Tambor himself quickly left the battle with his officers as we defeated their soldiers. (Yeah, sorry about that. He remembered that he forgot to let the cat out. And look who’s talking about defeating enemy soldiers, Mr. Barbequed Jawa.) The Bounty Hunter Dengar also appeared on the battle, and like the rest he was forced to flee before our final effort, but to no avail: he escaped. (He wasn’t fleeing - He was looking for the men’s room. He was planning to keep sniping your men when he got out, but when he came back, you had all boarded “The Action with Valor” and left.)


But I digress. We were able to secure the area in the aftermath of the battle, (The “aftermath” must have happened before the battle, because when Dengar returned from the bathroom, you were already gone.) but we had lost the element of surprise, and any moment Separatist reinforcements would have surrounded the tomb. (I thought you said that “The Avenger” was orbiting Korriban to “intercept any incoming reinforcements”... got cold feet and had an appointment elsewhere, did we?) Xizor and I agreed to evacuate our forces before further combat ensued, we could not hold out against another assault. (No, no you couldn’t have... [insert maniacal laugh here])

This battle shall be forever known as: The Battle of the invisible flaming Jawas. The rebels have been reminded of the power of the Confederacy! “The wrath of General Grievous channeled through Lafcadio and then subcontracted to Wat Tambor” has triumphed! And let me tell you: Scum has never tasted so good – If you can believe that.

'Scram Kids?' Tambor was running like Nute Gunray before the battle was half-over.

And I reiterate: I said combatants, not units. You had one combatant left, the rest were busy polishing Tambor's goggles and writing post-battle propaganda.

As far as the Avenger goes, I would have thought that of anyone in the galaxy it would have been the Separatists who noticed that lone Rebel cruisers can't do much intercepting when you dogpile them with your little frigates.

I'd also like to point out to the galaxy that General Grievous just admitted to having hired Fett and Bane - and thus, is truly responsible for the heinous acts committed on Bespin.

You Confederates may be good at the post-battle politics, but you know as well as we do you haven't got the public fooled. We will free this galaxy from your tyranny!

*end transmission from the Action with Valor*

A question, most worthy opposing commander. What on Coruscant is a wookieepedia?

As Kanan takes a hit from his cigar, tasting another sweet victory on the battle field, he sees a vision of the crumbling Confederacy, an ominous visage of a tormented psuedo of a cowardly leader, hiding in the shadows, still trying to " force" drink" the coolaid to his minions, that the Seps have any hope in taking the powerful, United, Rebels down, that continuously mount prolific victory after victory, that will all be written in the glorious history of the Jedi order. Battle report to follow shortly.

Rebs victorious on the snowy planet of Rhen Var!

Maim out

Good news fom the snow-covered planet of Rhen Var! The Seps mounted an "Imbecile" group of Nimbus "wanna-be Rebel Commandos", led by chief commander "Waldo" Stratus, of "Where's Waldo Fame", who hid far behind the battle, scared to come and dance with the devil in the pale moon light, but the "Nimbicils" met heavy resistance from some "Ghost Crew" operatives, a droid super-duo, and an old grisly, "Wilford Brimley" General. When all was said and done, we have secured the Jedi artifacts and the ravine that contained the Kyber crystal mines. Jolee Bindo & Zayne Carrick are now with us, so the Seps are delivered a blow in their quest to oppress.

Here is the battle report from the front lines of Rhen Var:

Rebs= 116

Seps= 55

No uniques lost on either side

Forces as follows;

Rebel 4 Life- Rnd 3-Rebs vs Seps-Fight--
51 Kanan Jarrus
35 Hera Syndulla
25 Sabine Wren
18 C-3PO and R2-D2
17 Bothan Noble
42 Wookiee Freedom Fighter x3
9 General Dodonna
3 Ugnaught Demolitionist

(200pts. 10 activations)


--Jack B Nimbus- Round 3--
34 Alto Stratus
31 Red Hand Syndicate Boss
22 Armored Scout Tank
88 Nimbus Commando x4
15 Umbaran Soldier
8 R7 Astromech Droid

(198pts. 9 activations)

Rnd 1:
The race to gambit moves slow, as both sides march through the snow, to get to the inner areas.

Rnd 2:
Both sides get gambit. 10-10

Rnd 3:
Seps draw first blood, in winning initiative, a Nimbus blasts a wookie to meet his ancestors in the afterlife. In seeing his kin fall, another frenzied wookie charges to put a hurt on the Nimbus. Kanan exacts revenge, by finishing the Nimbus off. Then another " Cumulonimbus cloud" commando kills another "Braveheart" wookie. Rebels get gambit. Rebs= 42 Seps= 38

Rnd 4: With Gambit securely locked down for the Rebs, RPCO, safely guarded in Gambit, disrupting anything to come around the corner, and Dodonna dictating pace, the Seps decided to retreat into defensive positions, possibly trying in futile efforts to out flank the Rebs. In the scuffle, a Nimbus kills an uggie ( RIP little guy ). Wookie charges fleeing Nimbus, then Kanan, again, finishes off another Nimbus. Rebs get gambit again. Rebs= 74 Seps=41

Rnd 5: Seps win initiative once again, and Nimbus kills another most brave warrior wookie, that had done his job in the last rnd. Seps again moving to try and outflank, to get positions to fire into gambit area. Rebels get gambit once again. Rebs= 84 Seps= 55

Last and final rnd: Kanan annihilates another Nimbus ( wow- talk about the warrior of all warriors, credited with 3 confirmed battlefield kills! ) With this, the Seps totally demoralized, count their losses, knowing they have been defeated, as time runs out. Rebels get gambit, as rnd ends. Rebs= 116 Seps= 55


We welcome Bindo and Carrick to the Rebels with open arms. Welcome to the real world my brothers!


Senior Commander Maim out

FOOLS! I am still alive despite my injuries! *cough cough* Enjoy your walking beast and the traitorous fringe Jedi who will die as the others have! We have what crystals we need and we shall soon complete construction of the Death Star!

Hear that, Seppies? Grievous just got roasted. You may have killed Rieekan, but you can never get rid of all the ERC's

I'd also like to bring up the question of whether or not Alto Stratus actually exists. Has anyone actually seen him fight yet?

Hear that, Rebbies? Kenobi just got roasted. You may have injured Grievous, but you can never get rid of all the Separatists.

See what I did there, CorellianComedian? Also, doesn't the average maturity level of this conversation just soar when one of us decides to use the tongue-sticking-out emoticon?

Score should stand at
CIS: 18
Rebellion: 30

Schedule for ROund 4 of Confederacy vs Rebellion
12/8/15-12/21/15

Maps from Rebel SC due: 12/9
Allocations Due 12/10
Games played, results posted by 12/21

1.General_Grievous/Obi_Dan_Kenobi
Yavin Ruins


2. PegoLego/spryguy1981
Strike Force Carrier (Trandosha Hunting Ship) – Fringe Bonus: Non-unique Trandoshans

3. Jen'ari/DeathsBaine
Smuggler's Base – Fringe Bonus: Sugi

4. Amadeus/DarkLordVerjal
Dxun Camp

5. Jak/Juiceman
Bothan Spynet (Clak'Dor VII) - Fringe Bonus: Figrin D'an

6. Lafcadio/CorellianComedian
Knight’s Enclave (Dantooine Temple) - Fringe Bonus: Jarael (representing an unattached force user)

7. SignerJ/JerJerrod4
Command Deck (Lost Ship) – Fringe Bonus: Dray

8. LordRazzia/DarthMaim
Cliffside Citadel (Onderon) – Fringe Bonus: Beast Rider of Onderon

I'll get the maps up tomorrow after I've had time to think.

What, feelin' those losses already?